I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize