just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
