I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
