I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
