He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
