That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
