There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
