ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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