HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
