she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
