She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
YAS. BRING CRAB.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
