you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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