Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
