the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
BRING THE BAGELS
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
