Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
