Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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