If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
