At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
