Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just pee around me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
