yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
