I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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