So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
