i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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