Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
