yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You're like the curious george of whores
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Randomize
