I cannot find my penis.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
