i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
