Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I intend to get homeless drunk
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
