im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
