Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
