just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Someone came in the potted fern
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
