I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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