South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
