You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
