Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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