Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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