It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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