I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
