1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
