I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just found a bag of teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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