Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I don't think brook has ever known best
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
