dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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