So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
