you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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