not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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