I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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