"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
