This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
