i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
