If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
