Got a toothbrush?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
