3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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