Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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