I wannas sexs uuuuu
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
