piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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