I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize