I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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