Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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