It's Friday. Sex?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
