nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
