drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
