So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
