this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
