he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
