But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my sisters under your porch take her home
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
