So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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