Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
