I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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