I seem to have left my pride at pride
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
