Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
smell my finger.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
