Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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