remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Randomize
