you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
