you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
