ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
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