it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
COCAINE IS GR8
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