take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
